Cheering Them Up Without Pushing: Thoughtful Gestures That Aren't Over The Top

We’ve all been there: someone we love is going through a tough time and we want to help - but we’re highly conscious of the risk of making them feel pitied. It would be over the top to come in with a vision board designed around their bounce back, but you don’t want to leave them steeping in their own sadness. The sweet spot here is just being a good human and a good friend. There’s no need for a big gesture or a pity party - what will work here is thoughtful, low-key ways to be there for them without making it weird. 

Step One: Just Be There

Often, the best support isn’t about doing anything specific - just showing up and being you, a reminder of the things that are good about their life. It can be snacks on the sofa while streaming something generic and awful on the TV, or just hanging out as they go to the supermarket, making sure they get something fun and frivolous. Your availability is what matters here; you don’t need to pick up the pieces, just be there with a dustpan as they do it themselves.

If you do bring something (other than yourself), keep it casual. A funny keyring, a chocolate bar (size to be adjusted depending on the size of their heartache), or a springboard to help them treat themselves. A Love2Shop gift can work wonders here, as it’s simple and without pressure. As a bonus, it also allows you to direct your energies toward a shopping trip when you feel like it. 

Humor Over Hallmark - SIlly is Good

It’s a perfectly good strategy to lean into the nonsense when a friend is struggling. Send them an incredibly stupid meme. Watch a film from your teenage years, roast the fashion choices and cringe over the jokes that have aged poorly. Look at a dating site and count the number of profiles with dog pictures, or play charades. It’s not about forcing joy, it’s about opening the door for it. In all likelihood, they don’t want to talk about what’s wrong; they probably already have at punishing length. Distraction isn’t ignoring the pain - it’s a way of letting normality gently reassert itself.

Food is a Love Language, But it Doesn’t Need to be an Epic Poem

Food is always a comfort, but the level of effort you put into it is proportional to the pressure on your friend to enjoy it. If you show up with a home-baked cheesecake, it’s screaming: “I made this because I’m trying to put you back together”. On the other hand, ordering pizza or a Chinese has the vibe of “I’m here because I care and I want to make things easy”. Or alternatively, you can cook together, but unless it’s your vibe don’t go for anything complicated. Grilled cheese, tinned soup and idle chat is ideal in the circumstances. 

Give them Something to Say Yes To

When you’ve been through something bad yourself, you know the feeling of being in suspended animation. Big nights out and getting ready to go to a restaurant feel like too much, and while it feels bad to say no, you can’t pull it all together to say yes. So when your friend is in a tough place, it’s good to have something they can easily say yes to. A short drive to a garden center; a dog walk; or any small errand you’d be doing anyway.  

It’s not a big event - that’s the entire point. You’re not making a big swing to cure their sadness - you’re just giving them a chance to do something basic and communal. It’s a stepping stone to feeling like themselves again.

Don’t Make it a Project

OK, so we’ve had several paragraphs of advice on how to pull this off, which may make it all seem like a project, but it’s not. Your friend is not a dilapidated house in need of a glow-up. There’s no space for a mood board here, there’s no deadline and you’re not setting any goals. That’s vitally important to bear in mind; if you show up with the stated goal of fixing your friend’s sadness, you’re giving them the pressure of feeling like they’ll disappoint you by not feeling better soon enough.

Your role in all of this is to be an anchor for your friend so when they’re ready to feel happier, it will be that much easier. That could be tomorrow, it could be next week, it could take a while. There’s no ribbon-cutting ceremony when they come out the other side - just your friend, back in their best form. That’s reward enough.

Let Them Lead the Mood 

The path of coming back from a setback isn’t linear. Sometimes your friend will want to rant about things. Other times, they might just want to sit in silence and stare at a screen. Neither is wrong. Your role here is to meet them where they’re at, not cajole them to come up to your level. You aren’t there to be relentlessly upbeat; your role is simply to be steady and ready for them to feel how they’re going to feel. Bringing unlimited positive energy is likely to be annoying and won’t bring them out of themselves. Let them set the tone - the best thing you can do in this scenario is be the person who isn’t exasperated by their low mood.

In movies, a friend who has suffered a setback in life is brought back to their brilliant best by a persistent buddy who brings that manic pixie energy. They shake their head at your dumb ways and their dark clouds part to let the sun shine through. That’s not how it works in real life; it’s not one big moment that breaks the darkness, it’s the quiet, steadfast support from a friend who hasn’t stepped away. The silly texts, the shared snacks and the invitations that it’s totally OK for them to turn down - these are the things a friend needs to bring when someone else is feeling down. It may not be Hollywood, but it feels all the better for being real.

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